How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize