I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
