just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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