Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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