Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
