I haven't been this sober since birth.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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