If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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