he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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