dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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