Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
