it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
