You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
