I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
