You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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