Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
