stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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