So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
