My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
