I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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