meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
