Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
