you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
