farters have to be the big spoon...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
