Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
