I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize