Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
