I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
