He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
