According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm both gender and math confused
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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