my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
