You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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