what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
