i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
