they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
