you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
