and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
