Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
