you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
