Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
