you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
