there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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