I could have mohawked her pubes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
