3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
