PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
