I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
