You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
