You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
