Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
