just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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