I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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