Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
