Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
