In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize