you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize