I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
