Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
