I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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