Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
