Betty ford says i'm here all night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
