So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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