Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize