who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How's work?
Spinning.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
