she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
