I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
