I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
