You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
