Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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