I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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