I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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