So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
