Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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