I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
