When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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