I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
