turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
