Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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