i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
