Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
