There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
