Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
