This dress was meant to end up on your floor
...so i touched it.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
