I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
