just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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