Where did you get a picture of my penis
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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