how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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