If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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