I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
